Lessons Learned From A Friend

A few months ago, I said goodbye to my dear friend, Carol.  Watching her fight a courageous battle against cancer was hard for me, yet I've never been so inspired by anyone.  Her friendship was a gift and over the years I've learned valuable lessons from her example.  Today is her birthday and I want to share some thoughts, even lessons, that I've learned from my friend.

First of all, I don't know anyone who loved life more than Carol.  She could squeeze more into a day than people who were twenty years younger (like myself).  Carol worked as an occupational therapist, specializing on hands.  She loved this job!  Helping people regain use of their hands brought her great joy.  She had flexible hours and would often call me and say, "I have an hour and a half before my next patient.  Want to go on a bike ride?"   Her enthusiasm and spontaneity was good for this, type A, list driven person.  On more than one occasion, I would drop my "plan" for the day and head out with Carol.  On one of the rainiest spring days, when I would've loved to stay home and read a good book, Carol said, "Let's go to Brevard so I can show you some of my favorite stores and then have lunch."  Dragging my feet just a little, I relented, and had the best time imaginable.  You can read about that day here.

Carol and I shared a love for learning.  She was interested in the world around her and we would talk about other cultures and our desires to travel.  She never grew tired of hearing me share my adventures in the Holy Land and read and commented on every blog post I wrote.  She was my biggest fan when I began my first attempts at blogging.   She loved learning new things on her computer and especially Facebook, where she could keep in touch with friends.  Up until a few weeks before she died, she was still trying to learn new computer skills at work, lugging her oxygen, that she needed for breathing along with her.

Carol was an encourager.  She would come to my house to see my gardens, my chickens and any other project I was into at the time.  She loved my kids and wanted to hear about their pursuits as well, from hiking the AT to musical road tours, she wanted them to know that she was proud of the good things they did.  Anyone who can claim her as a FB friend knows how much her encouraging comments are missed.  And as a I said before, she encouraged me to blog about My Year of Fifty and praised my efforts with every goal.  She was my cheerleader from the sidelines.

Often she would call and tell me to quickly turn on the tv, because I really needed to hear this talk by Michael Wilcox or some other great speaker. As of late, I've been listening to TED talks and have thought about how much Carol would enjoy them too.

A number of years ago, Carol boarded her horse at our barn.  We spent many cold mornings together, mucking out stalls and breaking the ice on the water buckets.  It was her idea for us to spend that time sharing with each other the things we had been learning in our scripture study and church classes.  That barn became much more than a barn, as we ministered to each other.  I will never forget those lessons.

I learned from Carol that it's good to step our of our comfort zone and try new things.  This picture was taken at a Christmas party at church when we served together in the Relief Society.  The micronesian sisters made us skirts and headdresses to wear.  We laughed a lot that night.  Accepting the calling to serve in the Relief Society presidency was hard for Carol, as her heart was in primary with the children.  But she faithfully gave it her best and we enjoyed some good experiences together.   

Within a short time though, she was back in primary where she loved to be.  She was one of the best primary teachers I have ever seen.  Taking an interest in each child, she knew their families, their birthdays and hobbies.  She taught three of my four children and they remember not only Sunday classes but Saturdays spent at the lake on her sailboat and all you can eat dinners at Golden Corral.  I pulled a book off the shelf recently that she had given to Dillon when he was in her class, with loving words inscribed in the front.  In the past few years, her classes have prayed for her as she struggled with her illness and served her in many ways.  The picture below was taken after her "Valiant boys" had been weeding her flower beds. I know she was smiling as the primary children sang "Love one Another" at her memorial service.   Carol will be remembered as one who loved children as the Savior did.

 Carol was an "outdoors" girl.  She loved nothing more than hiking, riding her bike and sailing.  She wrote this status update on her Facebook page just a year ago:

March 28, 2012

What do ya do if you are in the throes of stage #4 Ca...your lungs are functioning at 60%. You can barely walk up your driveway to your mailbox....you buy a $600 "Trek" bike and schedule your 2nd cataract surgery...is it total denial or ultimate faith in what might be...I'll chance it and run...(or ride). Why not! 

And then there was the beach.  Her "sweet spot" for sure.  Carol and George would leave early in the morning, drive four hours to the beach, spend the day and drive back home late that night.  

June 6, 2010

What a great Saturday we had...long trip to Isle of Palms (ocean beach) but an extraordinary day there. Water in the 80's plenty of sunshine and not too many people on the beach as it was raining nearly everywhere else. Got back at 10:30 pm...but that's okay...well worth the trip.

November 8, 2011

Just returned from a QUICK TRIP to the Outer Banks. Had this tremendous urge to see all the old places that George and I used to enjoy...plus another grand day at the beach before old man winter sets in for "REAL." Much too much driving for such a short time there, but the day we could enjoy was spectacular. 74 degree weather...clear skies, and all our old "haunts" still open. The crazy Mischenko's don't know when to stay home, but at least they know how to enjoy their days.

One of my precious memories will be the week Carol and I spent at Clearwater Beach, Florida. She was anxious to show me the beach she loved most of all, and I was thrilled to be her traveling companion.  I blogged about that trip here.

Carol loved her family and was happiest when surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Less than a month before her death, she set out on her own and drove several hours to her son, Scott's house, to spend time with him and his fiancee.  She made many weekend trips to her daughter, Debra's home in Virginia to be with her family and children.   Carol would light up as she talked about her family! I've had the great opportunity to spend time with them recently myself -and they are just as wonderful as she has said!

The one thing I admired most about Carol was her courage and fight to live.  She had a determination to do any thing within her power to fight the disease that eventually took her life.  But maybe more importantly she had the courage to know when the fight was over.  She once told me, "Melissa, I'm not afraid to die.  But I want to make every moment that I have count."  She had a love for Jesus Christ and his gospel and she knew what to look forward to as she passed from this life to the next.

As this spring has come and gone and we move into summer, I find myself thinking about Carol more and more.  This was the time of year she loved the most.  I'm trying to take the time to be outside and look for beauty in nature.  I don't want to take any of it for granted.  Everything is a gift.  Carol taught me that and much more.   I miss you dear friend, but will always be grateful for how you've touched my life and for the important lessons you taught me along the way.