I know I am very blessed, but sometimes my heart aches for those blessings that I desire that haven't been realized. The Lord knows all about them, even if I hadn't wearied Him with my pleading. Over the past years, as I've struggled with understanding and patience, I've learned a few things about "expected" or "longed for blessings" and acceptance of the Lord's will, which is very often different from my own.
One of my favorite religion teachers, Michael Wilcox, gave a talk once where he mentioned the concept of the given good vs. the expected good. (Here's the talk in it's entirety, if you'd like to read it). I think of it often. The basic gist of that message was this, we get so caught up in desiring blessings that we want and think we should have, that we don't open our eyes to the ones that the Lord already has given and continues to give us. In our sorrow and disappointment our vision becomes far sighted, we look in the distance for the good we desire and miss the wonderful gifts that are right in front of us. I've been guilty of this so many times.
Even though I know without a doubt that God knows better than I do what I need in life, and is in control, I often slip into periods of sadness when I once again become fixated on those blessings in the far distance and if I'm not careful, can throw quite a pity party with myself as the guest of honor. Holidays are perfect for partying and this kind is no exception.
Over time though, I'm learning, that the key to 20/20 vision is keeping my eyes focused on Christ. It's when I let my sight wander, that I begin to weaken and feel vulnerable to comparison and discontent. And then I'm caught up in that expected good vs. given good dilemma.
But today, the first day of December and the first Sunday of Advent, has been a very good day. You might remember that I'm big on beginnings and this is the beginning of one of the happiest times of the year. I'm ready to bask in the spirit of the celebration of Christ's birth. Today was also Fast and Testimony meeting at our church and I dabbed my eyes with tissues throughout the meeting. I was touched by the words of my friends and so thankful for their example and encouragement to me as I walk life's path. I have been given many good gifts, and top of the list is Christ, and his atoning sacrifice, and the restored gospel. I hope I can keep my eyes firmly focused on Him this Christmas. I want it to be all about worshipping and serving and feeling His joy. I want all of that to spill over into every relationship and family gathering. I have plans to stay out of the malls, to enjoy quiet time at home and to keep as many blank spaces on my calendar as possible. I want to be available for the things that really matter and so much of what happens at this time of year doesn't fit into that category. I want to have near perfect vision, looking for Him in every person that I meet. I love this thought from Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
"Jesus stands at the door knocking. In total reality, he comes in the form of the beggar, of the dissolute human child in ragged clothes, asking for help. He confronts you in every person that you meet. As long as there are people, Christ will walk the earth as your neighbor, as the one through whom God calls you, speaks to you, makes a demand on you. That is the great seriousness and great blessedness of the Advent message. Christ is standing at the door; he lives in the human being among us. Do you want to close the door or open it?"
Yep. This is what really matters. I want to be standing at the door, waiting to open when He knocks. I can only do this, if I'm looking away from myself (and my perceived lack) and towards Him. I've got to keep my eyes wide open for the "given good," because it's all around me. In fact, there's a lot of "good" being given this time of year and I hope to be a part of it. It's the very least I can do for the One who's given me the greatest gift of all.
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