Lessons Learned From A Friend

A few months ago, I said goodbye to my dear friend, Carol.  Watching her fight a courageous battle against cancer was hard for me, yet I've never been so inspired by anyone.  Her friendship was a gift and over the years I've learned valuable lessons from her example.  Today is her birthday and I want to share some thoughts, even lessons, that I've learned from my friend.

First of all, I don't know anyone who loved life more than Carol.  She could squeeze more into a day than people who were twenty years younger (like myself).  Carol worked as an occupational therapist, specializing on hands.  She loved this job!  Helping people regain use of their hands brought her great joy.  She had flexible hours and would often call me and say, "I have an hour and a half before my next patient.  Want to go on a bike ride?"   Her enthusiasm and spontaneity was good for this, type A, list driven person.  On more than one occasion, I would drop my "plan" for the day and head out with Carol.  On one of the rainiest spring days, when I would've loved to stay home and read a good book, Carol said, "Let's go to Brevard so I can show you some of my favorite stores and then have lunch."  Dragging my feet just a little, I relented, and had the best time imaginable.  You can read about that day here.

Carol and I shared a love for learning.  She was interested in the world around her and we would talk about other cultures and our desires to travel.  She never grew tired of hearing me share my adventures in the Holy Land and read and commented on every blog post I wrote.  She was my biggest fan when I began my first attempts at blogging.   She loved learning new things on her computer and especially Facebook, where she could keep in touch with friends.  Up until a few weeks before she died, she was still trying to learn new computer skills at work, lugging her oxygen, that she needed for breathing along with her.

Carol was an encourager.  She would come to my house to see my gardens, my chickens and any other project I was into at the time.  She loved my kids and wanted to hear about their pursuits as well, from hiking the AT to musical road tours, she wanted them to know that she was proud of the good things they did.  Anyone who can claim her as a FB friend knows how much her encouraging comments are missed.  And as a I said before, she encouraged me to blog about My Year of Fifty and praised my efforts with every goal.  She was my cheerleader from the sidelines.

Often she would call and tell me to quickly turn on the tv, because I really needed to hear this talk by Michael Wilcox or some other great speaker. As of late, I've been listening to TED talks and have thought about how much Carol would enjoy them too.

A number of years ago, Carol boarded her horse at our barn.  We spent many cold mornings together, mucking out stalls and breaking the ice on the water buckets.  It was her idea for us to spend that time sharing with each other the things we had been learning in our scripture study and church classes.  That barn became much more than a barn, as we ministered to each other.  I will never forget those lessons.

I learned from Carol that it's good to step our of our comfort zone and try new things.  This picture was taken at a Christmas party at church when we served together in the Relief Society.  The micronesian sisters made us skirts and headdresses to wear.  We laughed a lot that night.  Accepting the calling to serve in the Relief Society presidency was hard for Carol, as her heart was in primary with the children.  But she faithfully gave it her best and we enjoyed some good experiences together.   

Within a short time though, she was back in primary where she loved to be.  She was one of the best primary teachers I have ever seen.  Taking an interest in each child, she knew their families, their birthdays and hobbies.  She taught three of my four children and they remember not only Sunday classes but Saturdays spent at the lake on her sailboat and all you can eat dinners at Golden Corral.  I pulled a book off the shelf recently that she had given to Dillon when he was in her class, with loving words inscribed in the front.  In the past few years, her classes have prayed for her as she struggled with her illness and served her in many ways.  The picture below was taken after her "Valiant boys" had been weeding her flower beds. I know she was smiling as the primary children sang "Love one Another" at her memorial service.   Carol will be remembered as one who loved children as the Savior did.

 Carol was an "outdoors" girl.  She loved nothing more than hiking, riding her bike and sailing.  She wrote this status update on her Facebook page just a year ago:

March 28, 2012

What do ya do if you are in the throes of stage #4 Ca...your lungs are functioning at 60%. You can barely walk up your driveway to your mailbox....you buy a $600 "Trek" bike and schedule your 2nd cataract surgery...is it total denial or ultimate faith in what might be...I'll chance it and run...(or ride). Why not! 

And then there was the beach.  Her "sweet spot" for sure.  Carol and George would leave early in the morning, drive four hours to the beach, spend the day and drive back home late that night.  

June 6, 2010

What a great Saturday we had...long trip to Isle of Palms (ocean beach) but an extraordinary day there. Water in the 80's plenty of sunshine and not too many people on the beach as it was raining nearly everywhere else. Got back at 10:30 pm...but that's okay...well worth the trip.

November 8, 2011

Just returned from a QUICK TRIP to the Outer Banks. Had this tremendous urge to see all the old places that George and I used to enjoy...plus another grand day at the beach before old man winter sets in for "REAL." Much too much driving for such a short time there, but the day we could enjoy was spectacular. 74 degree weather...clear skies, and all our old "haunts" still open. The crazy Mischenko's don't know when to stay home, but at least they know how to enjoy their days.

One of my precious memories will be the week Carol and I spent at Clearwater Beach, Florida. She was anxious to show me the beach she loved most of all, and I was thrilled to be her traveling companion.  I blogged about that trip here.

Carol loved her family and was happiest when surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Less than a month before her death, she set out on her own and drove several hours to her son, Scott's house, to spend time with him and his fiancee.  She made many weekend trips to her daughter, Debra's home in Virginia to be with her family and children.   Carol would light up as she talked about her family! I've had the great opportunity to spend time with them recently myself -and they are just as wonderful as she has said!

The one thing I admired most about Carol was her courage and fight to live.  She had a determination to do any thing within her power to fight the disease that eventually took her life.  But maybe more importantly she had the courage to know when the fight was over.  She once told me, "Melissa, I'm not afraid to die.  But I want to make every moment that I have count."  She had a love for Jesus Christ and his gospel and she knew what to look forward to as she passed from this life to the next.

As this spring has come and gone and we move into summer, I find myself thinking about Carol more and more.  This was the time of year she loved the most.  I'm trying to take the time to be outside and look for beauty in nature.  I don't want to take any of it for granted.  Everything is a gift.  Carol taught me that and much more.   I miss you dear friend, but will always be grateful for how you've touched my life and for the important lessons you taught me along the way.

Planting the Garden and Preparedness Update

I've been playing catch up with my Preparedness Page.  I really have been busy, planting gardens and

canning.  I just haven't taken the time to blog about my endeavors.  Check out what I've been up to the

last few months on the Preparedness tab at the top of the page.  And if you aren't quite sure why I do

all this preparedness stuff, you can read more about that here and here.

Strawberry Goodness in a Muffin Tin

I've decided May is my new favorite month.  What was my old favorite month?  Well, October, of course.  And when October rolls around, I will love it all over again.  But for now, I am in love with May.  The weather is perfect, not too hot and not too cold.  I've been sitting on my front porch and deck almost every day listening to the birds and admiring the blossoming trees and flowers.  I am surrounded by green (that's my favorite color!).  And if all that weren't enough, I've been eating asparagus from my garden and ... the strawberries and rhubarb are  ready!  Yes, it's a great time to be alive.  

While gearing up to make jam, pies and other strawberry delicacies later in the month, this morning I decided to kick things off with my strawberry rhubarb muffins.  They're quick and easy and one of my husband's favorites.  I start by dicing my rhubarb and strawberries, setting them aside to be added later.

This is your basic muffin recipe technique, where you mix dry and wet ingredients separately and then combine.  To start, in a large bowl, I measure flour with baking powder, soda, salt, cinnamon and brown sugar.

In another bowl,  I whisk the egg, buttermilk, oil and vanilla.

Now it's time to pour the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients and gently stir.

Then I fold in strawberries and rhubarb, being careful not to over mix.  I'm going for nice tender muffins here and over mixing will make them tough.

In a small bowl, I put together a little topping to sprinkle on the muffins.  I love biting into a crunchy top muffin.  In fact, this topping could be used on any muffin recipe.  I'm thinking blueberry would be especially nice.

Now they are ready to go into the oven at 400 degrees for about 20 minutes.  See how easy this is.

 In fact, waiting for them to cool is by far the hardest part.  Enjoy!

Strawberry Rhubarb Muffins

2 3/4 cup unbleached plain flour

1 1/3 cup packed brown sugar

2 1/2 t. baking powder

1/2 t. baking soda

1/2 t. cinnamon

1/4 t. salt

1 egg

1 cup buttermilk

1/2 cup vegetable oil

2 t. vanilla

1 cup chopped fresh strawberries

3/4 cup diced fresh rhubarb

In large bowl, combine first six ingredients.  In another bowl, whisk egg, buttermilk, oil and vanilla.  Stir into dry ingredients , just until moistened.  Fold in strawberries and rhubarb.  Fill

muffin tins 2/3 full.  In small bowl, combine 1/2 cup chopped pecans, 1/3 cup brown sugar, 1/2 t. cinnamon.  Cut in 1 T. cold butter until it looks like coarse crumbs.  Sprinkle over batter.  Bake 

at 400 degrees for 20 minutes.

Delighting Wildly In His Gifts

First week counting...
                                    when I share entries from my Gratitude Journal

**This one is kind of long.  It's spring!  I have lots to be grateful for!!

2066- patchwork of pink in the morning sky

2067- daffodils lined up in a row

2068- trees in morning mist

2069- puppies keeping watch at my feet when I read

2070- daffodil frills

2071- two days of planting followed by two days of rain

2072- Sunday meals with family

2073- the way the house smells when Mark walks through on his way to work

2074- spring breezes

2075- watching General Conference with Mark

2076- t shirt weather

2077- waking up with his hand on my back

2078- first sight of the ocean

2079- blue skies, seagulls and salty air

2080- a foot massage with salt scrub and pretty pink toes

2081-oyster bisque and fried green tomatoes for lunch

2082- sunrise over the ocean

2083- shrimp and grits

2084- safe travels

2085- having sons who are great dog sitters

2086- watching children

-digging in the sand

-chasing birds

-jumping waves

2087- fathers playing football with their sons

2088- sand castles

2089- bike rides across long bridges

2090- gifts from the sea

2091- a birthday cupcake

2092- loving words from friends and family

2093- fuschia phlox spilling over stone walls

2094- a blossoming Red Bud tree

2095- Kenzie helping unload my car and having dinner ready

when I return home

2096- cutting asparagus for dinner - from my garden!

2097- green pastures

2098- afternoon thunder storms

2099- crawling back in bed to snuggle with my sweetie

3000- lunch with Sandy

3001- strawberries planted in a new raised bed

3002- mother- daughter time

3003- frozen custard in cups

3004- "cotton candy" trees

3005- trying on hats

3006- a massage!

3007- swimming in a heated pool

3008- banana pudding milkshake

3009- visiting teaching over Thai food

3010- thirty two years of marriage to a great man

3011- anniversary flowers

3012- enjoying dinner with Travis and Becca

3013- a new EP for Old North State

3014- lots of work for our business

3015- Saturday morning pancakes

3016- walking in the rain with my new umbrella

3017- April birthday parties

3018- new spring pj's

3019- dogwood blossoms

3020- hiking with Tara

3021- view from John Rock

3022- new garden boots

3023- hand dyed kitchen towels

3024- lesson in planting container flower garden

3025- time to be with those who matter most

"Is there a greater way to love the Giver than to delight wildly in His gifts?"

Ann Voskamp

That Third Baby's A Charm

Even though this is not the best picture (note to self- you really have got to get busy on that photo project), it captures that moment when after hours of toil and labor, your child is placed in your arms and you can't stop looking at them, or kissing them.  This was back in the days before you knew the gender of your child before they were born and had everything in monogrammed order when you left the hospital.  That moment just after you asked the question, "Is it a boy or a girl?".  And I'm sure I must have said, "Of course it's a boy. That's what we do best!"    After Travis and Dillon, now we had Jantzen.  My three sons.

On May 4, 1989, Jantzen Cole joined our family of boys.  In the hospital, he slept peacefully.  He must have been resting up before heading home to meet those brothers whose pictures were taped to his little bed. 

They were excited to see him (and get big brother gifts!)  Now we found ourselves outnumbered.  There were more children in the house than adults.

It turns out, we had nothing to worry about.  This third baby was a charm.  A good sleeper and easily entertained by his brothers, he was laid back and just happy to be alive.  Not to mention, this was the only child I had who potty trained in one day!  Sorry Jantzen, but I just had to say that, because when you're a mother, this is a pretty big deal!  

Little did we know when we took him on his first campout, that this was the beginning of a love for the great outdoors, that would lead him to hike and camp thousands of miles from home in years to come.

Those big brown eyes could melt this mother's heart, any, time!

Isn't he just so darned cute?   I always loved that cowlick.

Since I did not enjoy putting together Halloween costumes, I was grateful for a kid who was happy with the simple.  I think he totally pulled off this Harry Potter look, don't you?  And yep, we're talking glasses, a cape and a wand.  My kind of costume!

Inheriting the "travel bug" from his mom, Jantzen and I have taken some fun trips together over the years.  He was a great companion when we (Kenzie, Jantzen and I) set out on a month long road trip across the country, helping with everything from driving, setting up tents, loading and unloading cars.

When Kenzie was becoming road weary and a little "over" this sight seeing vacation, Jantzen insisted she had to get out of the car and walk to the edge of the Grand Canyon.  "You don't drive all the way to the Grand Canyon and look at if from your car", he said.  I love the way this picture reminds me of that moment and his encouraging attitude!

On another vacation, I snapped this photo of Dillon and Jantzen with their morning hair.  And those morning expressions. " Really mom?  Your gonna take our picture now?"  These two had no idea the adventures they would share in the years ahead.

A NOLS course in Mexico, followed by hiking on the Appalachian Trail gave them an education and memories they would carry with them for the rest of their lives. 

Lucky for me, I now have a fantastic guide when I want to tag along on an overnight hiking trip.  You can go here and here to read about my awesome adventure.  

Whether we're in the woods or hanging out on the farm, Jantzen is just good company to have around.

From somewhere back in the family gene pool comes a love for music and a talent to perform.  All of my children seem to have it.  Unfortunately, I missed out on that one.  But some of my most joyful moments have been watching my boys play music together.  Jantzen has always looked up to and admired Travis for his musical skills.  And even though their styles in music are vastly different, they continue to support each other in their endeavors. 

These days he's making music his career, with Dillon, as part of Old North State.   

Today I wish Jantzen a very Happy Birthday.  At 24 years of age, he's become a fine young man.  I'm pleased to see him working hard at the things that bring meaning to his life.   But most of all, I see a good, kind, hard working man with a servant's heart.  Whether he's jumping up to unload groceries or wash dishes for me, raising money for the poverty stricken or helping with children or the elderly, he thinks of others before himself and above all else, these are the qualities that really matter.

We love you Jantzen!