Each month I try to read something (besides the scriptures, because that's a given) that will help me to stretch and grow a little in my discipleship. In January I read this book , and it was excellent.
Written by a LDS author, it helped me to understand more fully the doctrine of justification and sanctification, and how through the atonement of Christ, we can be changed and made pure by both. When repentance is real, then it will include both justification and sanctification. The author has a gift for explaining these doctrinal terms that have been a little confusing to me in the past, but this time made sense. Because I can hardly wait to share my ah-ha moments, I started telling people about the book and what I'd learned from it. Then I loaned it to a friend who read it in one sitting and said it was the best thing she's read on the subject. Now her husband is reading it too. I love it when I stumble across something so unexpectedly good. January's book was one of those tender mercies.
My "spiritual" book selection for February was Keep it Shut by Karen Ehman. Karen's a speaker and author for Proverbs 31 Ministries. I've enjoyed reading her blog posts from time to time, however this is her first book that I've read and I found plenty within it's covers that I could apply to my life. In fact, this book fits in perfectly with my word of the year goals, which by the way is turning out to be the word that I really needed to be focusing on this year. It was an inspired choice, I have no doubt.
Learning to be a better listener, starts with keeping your mouth shut. Knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say nothing at all is a very valuable lesson. I fail in this area pretty regularly, but I've been praying for help to improve. May I share some thoughts from the book with you, some things that really resonated with me? (The italicized words in blue are all Karens)
"The mouth speaks what the heart has stored. If we have a mouth problem, in actuality what we really have is a mind and heart issue. The truth is, words are never accidental. To be sure, there are times we utter careless words, but even then those words are first formed in our minds, filtered to our hearts, and then given permission to come out of our lips. So in our quest to use our words in ways that are good and honor God, we must first consider the heart and mind from which they come."
"How I use my words, whether for good or for evil, can often, although not always, be traced back to the quality time I am (or am not) spending with the Lord each day, how intentional I am about investing in my relationship with him, and whether or not I am taking steps to become more like his Son, Jesus Christ."
What is the condition of my heart? What are my motives? These can be hard questions to ask, but essential to understanding why I say the things I say.
"Beware of bragging- and the impact your good news could have on others. Before we open our mouths, we need to think about not only to whom we're speaking, but also what they may be dealing with at the time and how the news might impact them. The primary principle is to check your heart and motives before sharing a success or celebration. Also, be mindful that -even if your heart is in the right place- how and when you share your news just might put a pinch in another person's heart, especially if they are sorrowful over the very thing about which you are rejoicing."
I'm sure I've been guilty of doing this, but I've also been the one who's had to listen with raw emotions as others celebrate joy in their life. I've had to walk out of church meetings because the words coming from the pulpit have cut me to the core. I'm not saying that it's wrong to testify of blessings, just that we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others when we do so.
"Many verses in scripture affirm that our speech should be gracious. When we choose to grant favor with our words or to lavish love on someone through our speech, we mirror Christ and his gift of grace. Let your conversation be always full of grace, writes the apostle Paul (Colossians 4:6)."
"All the humans you encounter throughout the course of the day are 'on purpose' people. God plopped them into your life for a reason. These souls-whether they are of the easy-to-love variety or the scratchy sandpaper kind- can be used by God to mold, reshape, and sometimes stretch our souls as he crafts us into creations who are becoming more and more like his Son. Others can catch a quick glimpse of Jesus when they see us speak and act in ways that honor him and line up with God's Word."
Here, I struggle. I am not gracious enough with myself and I don't offer grace to others as much as I should. I know this and if I didn't, I've been reminded at times by my loved ones. I've also learned over the years that expectations can seriously damage relationships. The only person I have any control over, is myself and sometimes I'm not very good at that! So... let it go. Let those expectations go and just love.
The thought that others might be judging my faith by my words and actions is downright scary. Every morning I pray that I will always remember my Savior and plead to have His spirit to be with me throughout the day. This is key. Because left to my own devices, I'm sure to mess up royally, but if I listen to His still small voice, I'm in good hands, and will do much better. He knows exactly what I need to say to others and how I should say it. And when I need to keep it shut.
There is a chapter in the book on gossip and one on controlling our digital tongue. Here's an area where I think many of us might use some improvement. It often surprises me what some people choose to share with "everyone" online. I loved these rules for the cyberspace playground:
*Pray before you post. We should whisper a prayer before we post, asking the Holy Spirit to tap on our hearts if we are tempted to post anything online that would not glorify Him.
* Imagine the recipient sitting next to you. Would you say things differently if the person to whom you're writing were actually sitting next to you?
* Remember: when you're online, you're also on stage. This reality should certainly cause us to pause before we post- especially if there is even a remote possibility we might later regret what we write.
* Ask yourself if you've earned the right to address the subject at hand. If friends on Facebook are hashing through a hot-button issue of the day, do you have any expertise in the area, or are you only slinging an under informed opinion? We can't always be an expert on every topic at hand, so when we aren't, we might do well to refrain from commenting at all.
* When you do speak , let your speech be laced with grace. Our words should glorify God and not just exalt our own opinions.
I came to Facebook kicking and screaming. I did not want to be a part of it. Now, I feel differently. Although I think social media can creep into our lives in unhealthy ways, I also believe it can be used for much good. I strive to keep it firmly in the latter. I am surrounded by good "friends" on Facebook. Rarely, do I see a post that upsets me, but I know it can happen. I've even been guilty of offending a friend by something I posted. Her comment surprised me so much, I promptly deleted the post, because even though it hadn't been my intention to say anything hurtful, it had bothered her and therefore might have the potential to offend someone else. That wasn't a risk I was willing to take.
I won't agree with every post on Facebook, but as a Christian I have the responsibility to treat others with dignity and respect. The spirit of contention is not of the Lord. No need to be snarky or mean. This week I read these words from Elder Dallin Oaks, one of our church leaders, "Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable." That's good counsel.
I want my words to be a blessing. I want to be an encourager and that is my goal on social media and with this blog. Sometimes I go through periods of time when I wonder why I blog. I doubt my abilities to say anything of worth. I don't feel as though I offer much in the way of original content, but most of the time I enjoy the process, sharing my thoughts and life with those who read. I follow blogs that encourage me and I guess I want to be able to do a little of that for someone else. And, I want to leave some thoughts for my kids to mull over... one day.
Obviously, we shouldn't always keep our mouths shut. But when we open them, we should try to use our words to lift and encourage. As a disciple of Christ, I want to be a witness of Him at all times, and in all things and in all places. He would use his words to affirm and to bless. He loved unconditionally. I want my friends and family members to know by the words I speak to them, how precious they are to me. Karen suggests that "we treat each encounter as new without referring to the past unless there is a really good reason to do so". I think this is so important, especially in family relationships. I mean, these are the people we have history with, and let's face it, it's not always good. But each new day is an opportunity to make it good, if we try.
If you've stuck with me to this point, you my friend, deserve a prize. I may have gotten a little carried away here, but this was a good book! I barely skimmed the surface, so maybe you'd like to get a copy and read it for yourself. (If you're local, you can borrow mine.) I ran across this quote the other day and it seems like a good way to wrap this up. The world would be a better place if we could all remember this.
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