Gifts from the Sea

Walking along the beach, the gentle sound of waves breaking on the shore speaks to my soul.  As I breathe deeply, I can just feel the stress washing away.  Sometimes I don't even realize how the pressures of life have built up inside of me, until I've removed myself from my "world" and stepped into this one.  I've come to realize this is something I need.  For me, a trip to the beach is therapeutic.

As I pack my bags for my journey, along with the swimsuit and sunscreen, I tuck in this book.  It's also part of my therapy.

I can't tell you how many times I've read this little gem, because I've lost count.  But I have to read it while I'm at the beach.  It's a tradition, and I'm big on traditions!  (At that very moment, I caught myself singing "Traditions" from Fiddler on the Roof in my best Tevye voice).  Once I forgot to bring it along and had to search out a copy at the local book store.  Now I have two copies.  It's a quick read, but each time through, I learn something new.  Or I'm reminded of something I've forgotten.  On my latest visit to the beach, I actually read it twice while I was there; the first time at a quick pace ( I couldn't help myself) and the second time, much slower, so I could really think about what I was reading.  I love this book!

It was published in 1955, yet the author's words may be as relevant to women today as the day she wrote them.  While vacationing on a Florida beach, she drew inspiration from the shells she found as she walked the shore.  The shells helped her think about her life as a woman, including her roles as wife and mother.  She was grappling with some of the same challenges we all face: finding balance and contentment in each stage of our life.  When I read this book as a young mother, I thought of how dreamy it would be to take off to the beach, sans children, and have hours to contemplate my life, as Ms. Lindbergh had done.  Well, that was only a dream, but as I read her musings, I realized I could learn from her experiences.

When I had teenagers and read the book, her words about solitude and taking care of ourselves resonated with me.  That was a hard time, and I could only handle the challenges, when I had fortified myself first.  Now as an empty nester (well, almost), I find other truths that speak to me from her writings.  This book is really for women of all ages.

The shells she found on her beach, were different from the ones I found on mine.  Each one is lovely in it's own way.  In the chapter entitled, "Channelled Whelk", the author speaks of finding balance in her life.  As she talks about her desires to be a good wife to her husband, a good mother to her five children, proficient at her craft as a writer and ably carry out her obligations to the world around her she says this:

"But I want first of all - in fact, as an end to these other desires- to be at peace with myself. 

 I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to

 carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can.  I want, in fact- to borrow from the

 language of the saints - to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible.  By grace I mean

an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony."

Gift from the Sea, pg. 17-18 

Isn't that lovely?  To live "in grace" is what I seek after as well.  She offers some techniques of living that can lead to this state of living "in grace" that I like.  The first one is simplification. She admits that the life she lives does not lead to simplicity. Being a wife and mother "entrains a whole caravan of complications". 

"It involves a house in the suburbs and other household drudgery or household help which wavers between scarcity and non-existance for most of us.  It involves food and shelter; meals, planning, marketing, bills and making ends meet in a thousand ways.  It involves not only the butcher, the baker, the candlestickmaker but countless other experts to keep my modern house with it's modern 'simplifications' (electricity, plumbing, refrigerator, gas stove, dishwasher and numerous other labor saving devices) functioning properly.  It involves health, doctors, dentists, appointments, medicine, spiritual, intellectual, physical, schools, school conferences, car pools, extra trips for basketball or orchestra practice; tutoring; camps, camp equipment and transportation. It involves clothes, shopping, laundry, cleaning, ,mending.  It involves friends, my husbands, my children's, my own, and endless arrangements to get together; letters, invitations, telephone calls and transportation hither and yon.  What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives.  It puts the trapeze artist to shame."

Gift from the Sea - pg. 21-22

Boy can I remember feeling this way.  In my naivete, I though that when the kids were raised and out of the house, my life would be so much easier.  In some ways it is, but where is all that time I thought would magically appear?  I'm still struggling to balance my time wisely.  Good, better, best.  Decisions need to be weighed out and only the best can come out triumphant.  I suppose I will be doing this the rest of my life and from this text message that I received from my dad this week, it sounds like it doesn't get easier as you age.   "Life has gotten busy for everyone.  I thought when I retired everything would be slower, but seems that is not the case.  Let me know when we can get together."  Spending time with my dad definitely falls into the "best" category and I'm determined to make this one happen.

So how do we simplify our lives in the midst of seeming chaos?  As the sea animal sheds it's shell, so Ms. Lindberg suggests some things we might be able to shed from our lives.  Things such as distractions,  pride, our Martha-like anxiety about many things, our Puritan conscience about absolute tidiness and cleanliness and insincerity.  She says, "The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered is being insincere.  That is why so much of social life is exhausting; one is wearing a mask.  I have shed my mask."   I had never thought about shedding insincerity, but that's what eliminating pride is all about, isn't it?   Learning to be humble and content is a great gift.  I love these thoughts:

"To ask how little, not how much, can I get along with.  To say- is it necessary?-when I am tempted to add one more accumulation to my life, when I am pulled toward one more centrifugal activity."

A Gift from the Sea - pg. 28-29

Yes, that is the question isn't it?  I am all about simplification these days. 

In the next chapter she discusses the moon shell and the need for solitude.

"Solitude, says the moon shell. Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day.  How revolutionary that sounds and how impossible of attainment.  To many women such a program seems out of reach.  They have no extra income to spend on a vacation for themselves; no time left over from the weekly housework for a day off; no energy after the daily cooking, cleaning and washing for even an hour of creative solitude.  is this then only an economic problem?  I do not think so.  Every paid worker, no matter where in the economic scale, expects a day off a week and a vacation a year.  By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off.  They are the great vacationless class.  If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it."

 A Gift from the Sea - pg.42

I can't agree with this enough!  I'm grateful that when I had small children, I could rely on family and friends to help me get away on occasion.  Vacation is so important!  I find when I'm starting to feel grumpy or discontent, a few days away can drastically change my outlook.  Going somewhere beautiful where I can soak in God's beauty is good medicine.  And sometimes that doesn't have to be too far from home.  But sometimes, distance is good.

 "Actually these are among the most important times in one's life - when one is alone.  Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone.  The artist knows he must be alone to create; the writer, to work out her thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray.  But women need solitude in order to find themselves; that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships. She must find that inner stillness which Charles Morgan describes as the 'stilling of the soul within the activities of the mind and body so that it might be still as the axis of a revolving wheel is still."         

A Gift from the Sea pg. 44

Are you beginning to see why I value this book?  It is chock full of truths, from which I can ponder and hopefully glean solutions to whatever particular challenge I'm facing.  As I read it, I feel I can slow down and enjoy my life a little more.  I always close the book feeling inspired, like I've just had the most amazing visit with a woman who "gets me".  That's why it's good therapy and why I need to read it each year.  The next time you go to the beach, maybe you would like to spend some time under an umbrella with the ocean breeze blowing on your face, reading this little classic book.  And if you have little ones scurrying all over, enlist someone else to watch them for you, while you read.  I promise it will be time well spent.   And then walk along the shore and pick up a few shells of your own to take home as a reminder of the gifts you've received from the sea.  I picked these up on my recent trip to the shore and whenever I see them, they remind me of the lessons I relearned while reading this book in a most beautiful place.  I feel refreshed and blessed.