Keep it Shut - A Book Review, Or Two

Each month I try to read something (besides the scriptures, because that's a given) that will help me to stretch and grow a little in my discipleship.  In January I read this book , and it was excellent. 

Written by a LDS author, it helped me to understand more fully the doctrine of justification and sanctification, and how through the atonement of Christ, we can be changed and made pure by both.  When repentance is real, then it will include both justification and sanctification.  The author has a gift for explaining these doctrinal terms that have been a little confusing to me in the past, but this time made sense.  Because I can hardly wait to share my ah-ha moments,  I started telling people about the book and what I'd learned from it.  Then I loaned it to a friend who read it in one sitting and said it was the best thing she's read on the subject.  Now her husband is reading it too.  I love it when I stumble across something so unexpectedly good.   January's book was one of those tender mercies.

My "spiritual" book selection for February was Keep it Shut by Karen Ehman.  Karen's a speaker and author for Proverbs 31 Ministries.  I've enjoyed reading her blog posts from time to time, however this is her first book that I've read and I found plenty within it's covers that I could apply to my life.  In fact, this book fits in perfectly with my word of the year goals, which by the way is turning out to be the word that I really needed to be focusing on this year.  It was an inspired choice, I have no doubt.  

Learning to be a better listener, starts with keeping your mouth shut.  Knowing what to say, how to say it and when to say nothing at all is a very valuable lesson. I fail in this area pretty regularly, but I've been praying for help to improve.  May I share some thoughts from the book with you, some things that really resonated with me? (The italicized words in blue are all Karens)

"The mouth speaks what the heart has stored.  If we have a mouth problem, in actuality what we really have is a mind and heart issue.  The truth is, words are never accidental.  To be sure, there are times we utter careless words, but even then those words are first formed in our minds, filtered to our hearts, and then given permission to come out of our lips.  So in our quest to use our words in ways that are good and honor God, we must first consider the heart and mind from which they come."

"How I use my words, whether for good or for evil, can often, although not always, be traced back to the quality time I am (or am not) spending with the Lord each day, how intentional I am about investing in my relationship with him, and whether or not I am taking steps to become more like his Son, Jesus Christ."

What is the condition of my heart?  What are my motives?  These can be hard questions to ask, but essential to understanding why I say the things I say.  

"Beware of bragging- and the impact your good news could have on others.  Before we open our mouths, we need to think about not only to whom we're speaking, but also what they may be dealing with at the time and how the news might impact them.  The primary principle is to check your heart and motives before sharing a success or celebration.  Also, be mindful that -even if your heart is in the right place- how and when you share your news just might put a pinch in another person's heart, especially if they are sorrowful over the very thing about which you are rejoicing."

I'm sure I've been guilty of doing this, but I've also been the one who's had to listen with raw emotions as others celebrate joy in their life.  I've had to walk out of church meetings because the words coming from the pulpit have cut me to the core.  I'm not saying that it's wrong to testify of blessings, just that we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others when we do so.  

"Many verses in scripture affirm that our speech should be gracious.  When we choose to grant favor with our words or to lavish love on someone through our speech, we mirror Christ and his gift of grace.  Let your conversation be always full of grace, writes the apostle Paul (Colossians 4:6)."

"All the humans you encounter throughout the course of the day are 'on purpose' people.  God plopped them into your life for a reason.  These souls-whether they are of the easy-to-love variety or the scratchy sandpaper kind- can be used by God to mold, reshape, and sometimes stretch our souls as he crafts us into creations who are becoming more and more like his Son.  Others can catch a quick glimpse  of Jesus when they see us speak and act in ways that honor him and line up with God's Word." 

Here, I struggle.  I am not gracious enough with myself and I don't offer grace to others as much as I should.  I know this and if I didn't, I've been reminded at times by my loved ones.  I've also  learned over the years that expectations can seriously damage relationships.  The only person I have any control over, is myself and sometimes I'm not very good at that!  So... let it go.  Let those expectations go and just love.    

The thought that others might be judging my faith by my words and actions is downright scary.  Every morning I pray that I will always remember my Savior and plead to have His spirit to be with me throughout the day.  This is key.  Because left to my own devices, I'm sure to mess up royally, but if I  listen to His still small voice, I'm in good hands, and will do much better.  He knows exactly what I need to say to others and how I should say it.  And when I need to keep it shut.

There is a chapter in the book on gossip and one on controlling our digital tongue. Here's an area where I think many of us might use some improvement.  It often surprises me what some people choose to share with "everyone" online.  I loved these rules for the cyberspace playground:

*Pray before you post.  We should whisper a prayer before we post, asking the Holy Spirit to tap on our hearts if we are tempted to post anything online that would not glorify Him.

* Imagine the recipient sitting next to you.  Would you say things differently if the person to whom you're writing were actually sitting next to you?

* Remember: when you're online, you're also on stage.   This reality should certainly cause us to pause before we post- especially if there is even a remote possibility we might later regret what we write.

* Ask yourself if you've earned the right to address the subject at hand.  If friends on Facebook are hashing through a hot-button issue of the day, do you have any expertise in the area, or are you only slinging an under informed opinion?  We can't always be an expert on every topic at hand, so when we aren't, we might do well to refrain from commenting at all.

* When you do speak , let your speech be laced with grace.  Our words should glorify God and not just exalt our own opinions.  

I came to Facebook kicking and screaming.  I did not want to be a part of it.  Now, I feel differently.  Although I think social media can creep into our lives in unhealthy ways, I also believe it can be used for much good.  I strive to keep it firmly in the latter.  I am surrounded by good "friends" on Facebook.  Rarely, do I see a post that upsets me, but I know it can happen. I've even been guilty of offending a friend by something I posted.  Her comment surprised me so much, I promptly deleted the post, because even though it hadn't been my intention to say anything hurtful, it had bothered her and therefore might have the potential to offend someone else.  That wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

I won't agree with every post on Facebook, but as a Christian I have the responsibility to treat others with dignity and respect.  The spirit of contention is not of the Lord.  No need to be snarky or mean. This week I read these words from Elder Dallin Oaks, one of our church leaders, "Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable."  That's good counsel.

I want my words to be a blessing.  I want to be an encourager and that is my goal on social media and with this blog.  Sometimes I go through periods of time when I wonder why I blog.  I doubt my abilities to say anything of worth.  I don't feel as though I offer much in the way of original content, but most of the time I enjoy the process,  sharing my thoughts and life with those who read.  I follow blogs that encourage me and I guess I want to be able to do a little of that for someone else.  And, I want to leave some thoughts for my kids to mull over... one day. 

Obviously, we shouldn't always keep our mouths shut.  But when we open them, we should try to use our words to lift and encourage.  As a disciple of Christ, I want to be a witness of Him at all times, and in all things and in all places.  He would use his words to affirm and to bless.  He loved unconditionally.  I want my friends and family members to know by the words I speak to them, how precious they are to me.  Karen suggests that "we treat each encounter as new without referring to the past unless there is a really good reason to do so".   I think this is so important, especially in family relationships.  I mean, these are the people we have history with, and let's face it, it's not always good.  But each new day is an opportunity to make it good, if we try.

 If you've stuck with me to this point, you my friend, deserve a prize.  I may have gotten a little carried away here, but this was a good book!  I barely skimmed the surface, so maybe you'd like to get a copy and read it for yourself. (If you're local, you can borrow mine.)  I ran across this quote the other day and it seems like a good way to wrap this up.  The world would be a better place if we could all remember this.

 

Frozen

I woke up to a frozen world this morning.  Observing it from the warmth of my home was comforting and I said a quick prayer thanking the Lord for heat and electricity, warm clothes and blankets, food in my kitchen and the blessing that I have to stay home on days such as this.  I know there are many who are less fortunate.

With my down jacket zipped up and hood pulled tight over my ears, I headed out to brave the cold, just long enough to snap a few photos.  Today I was practicing with depth of field in aperture mode , homework for this weeks photography class.  

This tree seems to be thinking about blossoms, not ice storms.

But today spring seems far away.

My Valentines Kitchen

Last weekend, I opened my kitchen to these little bakers and they turned out some pretty sweet treats.  This has become a bit of a tradition for us, and each year I do less and less as they are now very comfortable with rolling pins and cookie cutters.  Working along side kids in the kitchen, helping them learn skills, while making lovely memories, this makes me happier than you can imagine!  I don't even mind that I'm still sweeping sprinkles off my floors.

My Valentine and I made plans to celebrate at home this year.  It was a cold night and we didn't want to fight the restaurant crowds.  I made a dinner that I knew my "meat and potatoes" guy would enjoy.  He said it was better than any restaurant meal, which I'm not sure I completely agree with, but it made him happy and that's what I was going for.   Afterwards, we settled in by the fire, and watched a classic romantic movie, while doing a little chocolate dipping.   Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.  Perfect date night at home.

* You can find the cookie recipe that we used here.

Sunday Rolls

I have fond memories of Sunday meals when I was a little girl.  Stepping into the front door and deeply inhaling the scent of the roast that had been cooking while we were at church, man, that was the best. Because I don't know what it is about being at church that makes a person so hungry, but it does.  And the quicker you can get the food from the oven to the table the better!   

Sunday dinners.  I've always tried to make them a little different from the rest of the meals during the week, set apart as special in some way.  We eat in the dining room.  I set the table with pretty dishes and cloth napkins.  Sometimes we even light the candelabra.  When my kids were growing up, it was the one day we almost always had dessert.  Something sweet just seems right for the sabbath.  And homemade rolls, well, that feels pretty special too. 

I used to think that homemade rolls were just too much trouble, but like most things, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  This used to be my Thanksgiving only recipe, but now I make them quite often and they freeze beautifully, so I can pull them out and reheat in no time.  These rolls are infinitely better than anything you can buy in the bread aisle of the grocery store.  I promise.

I use a Bosch mixer to make my bread, but of course you can do all of this by hand or in another mixer with a dough hook.  I start with warm water and add fast acting yeast, letting that sit for about five minutes to become frothy.  If this doesn't happen then your yeast may be too old, or your water too hot.  Start over.

Add sugar, shortening ( or softened butter), dry milk, salt and an egg.

I like herbed rolls, so I often add a handful of italian spices before I begin adding the flour. 

I slowly add about six cups of flour, or as much as needed until the dough starts to come clean from the side of the bowl.  Then I machine knead for about five minutes or until the surface is smooth and has a glossy finish.  Sometimes when I turn the dough onto my counter, it's a little too soft and I will knead a bit more flour into it by hand.  These are the things you discover by making a recipe over and over.  You begin to learn how it should feel, as well as how it should look. 

I cover the dough and let it rest for about five or ten minutes.

At this point, you can roll out your dough and cut it into any shape you would like.  I like knots, so this is how I do them.  I roll out the dough into a rectangularish ( I made that word up) shape and use my pizza cutter to cut down the middle and then into strips.

Take each strip and tie it into a knot.  Don't worry too much if they don't look perfect.  Even the ugly ones turn into pretty rolls.  If the strips are too long, I just cut off the ends and then use those to make more.

Brush melted butter on the rolls and place them in a draft free area to rise.  I turn my double ovens on the lowest setting while I'm mixing up the rolls and then turn them off before putting the pans in to rise.  It takes about thirty minutes for them to double in size.  It's a good idea to set a timer if your rolls are out of sight (like in the oven).  I forget to do this and when I go back to check, well, they've grown into big rolls!

I've never had anyone complain about having an extra large roll though.

Sunday Rolls

2 T. dry yeast (I like SAF instant)

2 cups warm water

1/3 cup sugar

1/3 cup shortening or softened butter

2 1/2 t. salt

2/3 cup nonfat dry milk powder

5-6 cups plain flour

1 egg

In the large bowl of an electric mixer, combine yeast and water.  Let stand for five minutes.  Add sugar, shortening, salt and dry milk, an egg and 2 cups flour.  Add spices if using them.  Beat together until very smooth.  Add 2 cups more flour, 1/2 cup at a time until it is well mixed in.  Knead until smooth and satiny.  Gather dough into a ball.  Use the last of the flour as needed  for rolling and shaping the rolls.  Let dough rest for ten minutes.  Cut or mold into desired shapes.  Place on greased baking sheets.  Brush tops with melted butter.  Let rise until double in size, about thirty minutes.  Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes or until browned on top.

How I Broke My Food Addictions with Whole 30

I love the holidays and all the festive foods that go along with it.   I look forward to the cookies, candy and eggnog as much as the next person.  No way am I going to deny myself those once a year treats, they are totally worth it.  But after weeks of indulging, my body thinks it can have anything it wants, anytime it wants.  When I realize that I can't make it through the day without a little sweet treat or a square of chocolate, it's time for a self imposed intervention.  My name is Melissa and I'm a sugar and carb addict. 

This is why I join all the other dieters in January.  It's a good time to start fresh and cleanse my system.  Last year I did the Fast Metabolism Diet and shared my thoughts here.  I thought it was a healthy eating plan and I was happy with the results.  The only downside was the intense amount of planning and preparation that went into the different phases of the diet each week. 

This year I wanted something a little simpler and decided to give Whole 30 a try.  I had read a lot about it online and thought the restrictive guidelines would be good for me.  No grains, dairy, dried beans or sugar.  That meant no bread products, pasta, rice or potatoes, all foods that  break down like sugar in the body, and are especially problematic for those of us who have insulin resistance.  For the most part, I make healthy carb choices- brown rice over white, steel cut oats over quick cooking, whole wheat breads and pastas over white.  The problem is that I eat too much of even the good stuff.  Knowing my all or nothing personality, cutting back wouldn't work for me, I had to make a clean break.  Thirty days may or may not sound like a long time to you, but when your body is used to having something everyday, it can be tough at first to go cold turkey.  For a couple of days, I wanted my carbs, badly.  But after that, I was ok. 

So, what did you eat, you might ask?  Lean protein (chicken, fish, pork, beef), vegetables (no corn, but pretty much anything else), fruits and healthy fats.  That meant I could have nut butters, avocados, olive and coconut oils.   I focused on all the good things I could have and tried to put the other stuff out of my mind.  I was never hungry.  I did get tired of eating eggs for breakfast.  Towards the end of the month, I could make dessert for my family and not even be tempted by it.  That my friends, is real progress.

Dinner menus for the week looked something like this:

* pork chops with cinnamon apples

   roasted sweet potatoes (sweet potatoes are allowed)

   balsamic brussels sprouts

*oriental chicken salad with grilled chicken

   mandarin oranges and nuts

*grilled hamburgers (no bun for me)

  sweet potato fries

  coleslaw 

* grilled chicken with salsa and avocado

   broccoli

* salmon with mustard sauce

   swiss chard 

* steak with creamed garlic spinach

* pork tenderloin (cooked in crockpot)

   spaghetti squash with walnuts

   roasted vegetables

*oven fried salmon cakes

  lemon spinach

*roast beef with veggies

  green beans

I made a lot of recipes from this cookbook, including mayonnaise.  With that healthy mayo, made with light olive oil, I could then create mayonnaise based salads like chicken, egg and tuna, as well as coleslaw and garlic creamed spinach, that was to die for.  From this same cookbook, I made ketchup (without all the sugar), oven salmon cakes, cauliflower rice (it's better than it sounds) and broccoli salad.  I learned about some new food items too, like coconut milk and ghee.  I adapted some of my tried and true recipes, like butternut squash soup.  When planning my meals, I would start out with a protein, like roast chicken or beef, and then add the veggies that I could eat as sides.  No measuring, counting calories or taking supplements or drops.  It was really pretty easy.  I knew what I could eat, and what I couldn't and I just stuck with the plan.  For 30 days.  

At the end of the month, I had lost ten pounds and dropped my blood sugar into double digits.  That's what I was really going for.  That, and feeling in control once again, of the food I eat.  Thank you Whole 30 for helping me subdue my addictions to carbs and sugar.  I'm sleeping better.  I have more energy.  It feels good!

From here on out, this is my plan.  I'm reintroducing some carbs back into my diet.  I'm eating oatmeal again.  I'm drinking milk and having yogurt and cheese.  I still haven't had bread, but I baked some good bread this week, and when I'm ready to have a serving, I will.  The key for me is to forward think through my eating choices for the day.  If I want oatmeal for breakfast, then I 'll have it.  But that means no carbs for lunch or dinner.  If I want pasta for dinner, then I have to eat eggs for breakfast and a salad or soup for lunch.  In other words, I'm going to enjoy carbs again, but on my terms.   Am I going to bake cakes and cookies?  You bet.  But not as often.  When it's time to celebrate, I plan on celebrating. I'm already thinking about what fantastic, chocolate something I can make for Valentine's Day.  But those splurges will be the exception and not the norm.  I love food too much to deny myself the pleasure that comes from preparing and serving a wonderful meal.  But food cannot be an idol that I worship, and yes, I do believe it had come to that.  Now I have it in it's proper place and I pray that I can keep it there.  

Nothing is Worth More Than This Day

First Monday counting... 
                                    when I share entries from my Gratitude Journal

"Nothing is worth more than this day."

Goethe

Counting blessings.  I'm starting my fifth year of this discipline and it's been one of the best things I've ever undertaken.  Some months I'm more diligent than others, but whenever I count, and write it down, I am a happier person.  I've learned to slow down and to look more carefully, at simple beauty and gifts around me.   I've learned to be more content with life's circumstances.  I have become better at living "in the moment", enjoying this day and not worrying about yesterday's failures or the next thing on the calendar.  Tomorrow will come soon enough and being preoccupied with what's ahead robs me of enjoying what I've been given today.   I don't want to take anything, or anyone for granted.  I've looked back at my journals with amazement at the goodness that has been poured out, so liberally on my family.   Heavenly Father is very, very good.   So here I go again, starting with number 1, counting my blessings in 2015.

1-spending a quiet, slow morning with the man I love

2- eggnog french toast

3- black eye peas soaking in a  bowl

4- walking through the woods searching for running cedar

5- decorating Micah's place on his birthday

6- frozen puddles

7- hoppin' john

8- setting goals

9- staying home

10- new cookware

11- starting fresh

12- healthy food

13- new calendars, fresh with possibility

14- cupped hands around a warm mug

15- cracking nuts

16- family sing along to Counting Crows

17- repacking Christmas

18- brussels sprouts

19- roasted chicken for Sunday dinner

20- sitting fire side

21- a big, juicy navel orange

22- warm house on a cold morning

23- restoring order

24- clean floors

25- mashed sweet potatoes with raisins

26- an empty inbox

27- remembering and missing Lindsay on her birthday

28- date night by the fireplace with music and backgammon 

29- youtube videos to help with knitting

30-red fleshed grapefruit

31-down jacket

32- stacks of seed catalogues

33- crockpot meals

34- laughing at old pictures

35- three generations around the dinner table

36-looking through a cardboard telescope with a three year old

37- feeling promptings that lead to change

38- receiving counsel

39- deviled eggs

40- sore muscles

41- a fit bit cheer from across the country

42- fresh cut and color

43- warm running clothes

44-coconut milk

45- grocery cart full of veggies and fruit

46-cub scouts and race cars

47- Amaryllis blooms

48- rekindling memories of my Nana

49- Sam's shopping trip with Mark

50- ward conference

51- warmth from the sun

52-Girl Scout cookies for sharing

53-waking up rested before the alarm goes off

54-sixty-four degrees in January

55-a bubble bath

56-first glimpse of new life

57-vibrant green swiss chard

58- a warm day for working in the garden

59- pulling weeds with Jantzen

60-a new copy of The Book of Mormon, fresh for marking

61- morning conversations in bed

62- peppermint rooibus tea

63- lunch with Sandy

64- clothes, warm from the dryer

65- thank you notes from little friends

66-birthday cake face

67- banana slices with peanut butter and a cold glass of milk

68- making play dough snowmen

69- knitting by the fire

70- hearing Mom Wray speak in Sacrament meeting

71- sparkling clean  refrigerator

72- reuniting after a day apart

73- safe travels for Jessica and Abby

74- a hard working husband

75- phone call from Travis

76- meeting Lynette at the temple

77- wonderful friends that bless my life

78-  rolling out biscuit dough

79- rainy afternoon

80- lunch and a movie with my sweetie