2013 Possiblities

I can hardly believe it's the fifteenth of January and I'm just now getting around to talking about my hopes and dreams for the new year.  Ordinarily, I would've jumped on this two weeks ago, because this is the kind of thing I love to do!  I have thought about it and a number of other "beginning of the year" posts, but there are simply not enough hours in the day to do all my heart desires. Blogging is a "heart desire", but not at the top of the priority list.  Sister Julie Beck (one of my spiritual mentors) taught an important lesson on balancing our lives, when she was the General Relief Society President.  I won't quote her, because I don't have her exact words, but this was the basic idea.  We should categorize our activities in the following way; essential things, necessary things, and "nice to do" things.  Essential things are the activities that I need to do to bring me closer to Heavenly Father and help me to become more like Him.  This would include scripture study and prayer, service, temple worship, partaking of the sacrament. These are essential and must be done first, because they can easily be pushed aside in the rush of a busy life.  The necessary things, are the duties I must attend to that keep my world operating and allow me to be with the most important people in my life.  Things like, spending time with my husband and other family members, keeping my home clean and comfortable, preparing healthy meals, tending to my health, being a good steward over the gifts I've been given are examples of necessary activities in my life.  There are a lot of things that fall into this category, from doing laundry to exercising and shopping, carting away the garbage and recycling and gardening.  Pretty soon, it will include training puppies!  The last area is the "nice to do" things.  This includes blogging, having lunch with friends, getting a massage, taking a road trip, enrolling in classes, watching tv, reading...   I could go on and on with this, because these are the really fun things I love to do.   According to Sister Beck, she found that when she prioritized her time in this way, the most important things were accomplished and she was always amazed at how many of the "nice to do" things she was able to fit in to her life.  Following her teachings, I try my best to organize my schedule this way.  And I've found it to be a true principle.  When we put the Lord first in our lives, everything else seems to find it's proper place.  He seems to bless my time, so that I can do the things that are essential and necessary and still have time to do the fun things I enjoy.  So, if I'm not in this space as often as in the past, just know I'm probably up to my eyeballs with the essentials and necessaries.  And I'll return as soon as I have some time for the "nice to do's".

This year I've moved away from making resolutions, which can seem to put so much pressure on a person, to making a list of possibilities for the new year.  I like the sound of that better.  These are the things I hope will be a part of my life in 2013.

2013 Possibilities

* Take a photography class.  I think it's time I get some real training with my camera.  I have lots of fun snapping shots and every now and then I think I end up with a great picture, but it's pure luck.  I keep my camera on auto mode and let it make all the decisions for me.  I need to put it on manual and accept some responsibility for the photos I take.

*Section hike on the AT.  I really, really want to hike the Appalachian Trail.  The only way for me to accomplish this goal is to choose a section and work on it.  This year, I hope to hike the section through Georgia.  I have sons who have hiked this and are close by to help me make plans.  I realize that hiking the trail this way will take years, but no time like the present to get started, right?

* Learn to make challah.    I love the idea of having special foods for the sabbath.  Many Jewish people eat challah on the sabbath and other holy days.  It's a beautiful braided bread that's a feast for the eyes as well as the tummy.  I want to learn to make it myself.

*Slow down.  This one doesn't need explaining, does it?

* Visit Kirtland, Ohio.  Somehow, I've missed this one on my quest to visit church historical sites, and since we're studying church history this year, I've decided it's a good time to go.

* Eat asparagus from my garden.   Last year it was hard to see it grow and leave it in the ground, but this is the third year, so according to all my gardening resources, I should be able to harvest all I want.  I can't wait!

*Knit.  I don't know what it will be, but I have to spend more time on this skill if I want to master it.  I really enjoy knitting, when I feel like I know what I'm doing and not messing up all the time.  I need to practice, practice, practice.

*Be more charitable. I know that's vague and not at all a SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, timely) goal.  But I'm focusing on charity this year in every aspect of my life and am sure to share more about that in later posts.  Charity is my word for the year too.  Remember, how I choose a word for the year?  You can read about my word for the last two years here.

*Clean out my basement.  It's horrible and even though I don't have to look at it every day, I know what's down there and it's messing with my peace of mind.  Out of sight, out of mind doesn't work for me.

*Spend more time with people I love.  When it's all said and done, it's the relationships with people we love that will matter.  This year I don't want to be too busy to make memories.

That's it.  My list of possibilities for this new year. 

I'm looking forward to each new day.

Daily Rituals

What does your typical day look like?
Do your daily routines reflect what you claim to value, what you believe?
Do you live your faith intentionally each day?

These were some thought provoking questions offered by Sister Platt at a fantastic class that I attended while at Education Week.  This instructor had a personal list of twenty rituals that were important enough to her that she tried to fit them into each day.  These rituals were really just "good habits" that she had initiated to help her stay focused on her values.  They helped her to live intentionally.  As I've thought about this class and tried to glean from her ideas, I realize that we all have "habits" that we engage in each day, some good, some maybe, not so good.  But most of us are creatures of habit and if we think about it, we would realize that there are some things that we do day after day.  And it's the things we do day in and day out that add up to who we are.  If our habits are congruent with our beliefs, then we experience greater peace and clarity in our lives.  When our habits don't line up with what we know to be true, then we struggle with frustration, stress and guilt.

Since my year of fifty, when I set all those goals and worked steadily to achieve them, I find that I am happiest when I am living intentionally.  I once heard someone ask, "What is it that gets you out of the bed in the mornings?  Is it an alarm or a mission?" I like being excited about a mission for the day.   I know that I'm not completely in control of my life, who is?  But waking up each day with some kind of plan on how to spend my time, helps me to feel like I have a little control.  Slowly and surely, I can accomplish the things that are most important to me if I've had the forethought to prepare and plan a time to make them happen.  The trick to all this is learning to be flexible and not being chained to your agenda.  I'm certain there are days when the Lord's plan looks different from mine and I want to be able to switch gears as needed.  As I pray about my plans in the morning and seek his will for my day, I hope I can respond to promptings that would help me to be an instrument in his hands.  It's a lofty goal to be sure, but it's what's expected of disciples of Christ.

As I sat in this class and heard Sister Platt share her daily rituals, I realized that I had some  myself.  I hadn't called them by that name, but they were things I did each day that helped keep me on the right track.  And many of them were symbolic of deep commitments that I've made to live out my faith each day.  As I've formulated and put on paper my Daily Rituals, I've kept my list to ten things I consider important enough to deserve my attention and effort.  Being a list lover, I could have kept going and thought of more, but ten's a good number.   Here's my Daily Rituals with a brief explanation as to why they made the list.

*Stretch and pray.  As I roll out of the bed each morning, I have a little stretching routine that I do to wake things up (and to get the blood flowing so some parts hurt a little less ).   One thing I've learned as I've aged is how to make the most of my movements.  I never gave a thought to all the bending I did when I was 30, but let me tell you, I notice those things now and I try to protect my back as much as possible.  So since I'm already down on the floor, I kneel and say my morning prayers.  

*Quiet time for reading scriptures, studying and journaling.  This is the most precious part of my day and I feel out of rhythm when it doesn't happen.  It's my belief that if I want to put God first in my life, then I show him that by putting him first in my day.  This discipline has varied over the years.  When I had children at home and had to get everyone ready for school, this time was abbreviated, but I still tried to make it happen.  Now I allow myself an hour and there are days when I yearn for even more.  I've learned that nothing can take the place of spending time in God's presence.  As Elizabeth George (a Christian author) states in her book , A Woman After God's Own Heart, "time spent sitting at His feet fuels and focuses all acts of service.  We want our strength in public to be explained by what goes on in private between us and God.  I call this time with God the 'great exchange'.  Away from the world and hidden from public view, I exchange my weariness for his strength, my weakness for His power, my darkness for His light, my problems for His solutions, my burdens for His freedom, my frustrations for His peace, my turmoil for His calm, my hope for His promises, my afflictions for His balm of comfort, my questions for His answers..."  Isn't that beautiful?  That's exactly how I feel and  this ritual protects me from becoming so busy doing things for the Lord that I fail to spend time with the Lord.  I've been there before and I don't want to go back.  It leaves you dried up and burned out.

*Exercise.   I try to exercise some each day.   For me it's a health issue.  As a diabetic it's as important as taking my medication and I try not to allow myself time to think about not doing it.  Which means I am more successful if I do it in the morning, because you wouldn't believe all the excuses I can come up with as the day moves on.  

*Be outdoors.  It's good for my spirit to be outdoors each day and breathe in fresh air.  I'm a bit of a homebody and could be content piddling away at things inside.  This ritual gives me a break and usually goes nicely with my exercise goal as I walk on my mountain road.  

*Make bed, wash dishes, sweep floors and tidy.   These are my daily housekeeping chores and no matter what kind of day I have, I try to see that this much is done around the house.  Sometimes I have weeks when this is all that gets done, but on the surface there's order and that's as good as it gets.

*Drink water and cook dinner.  Have you tried a Hydro flask water bottle? They are amazing.  Fill it with cold water and it stays cold.  I mean like straight out of the refrigerator cold!   I keep them filled up and drink all day.  I try to cook dinner almost every night, because it's less expensive than eating out and theoretically it's healthier.  Unless your making Fettucine Alfredo with cream and lots of cheese!  But I don't make rich food like that every night, in fact we eat meatless two or three nights a week and try to eat local, even" grown by me" food, when possible.  I value a healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables and unprocessed foods.  I like to know what's in my food and where it came from.  Eating in restaurants limits your ability to have that connection with your dinner.  Now don't get me wrong, we eat out sometimes.  Just today I had a Chick-fil-a sandwich and waffle fries!!!  So I'm not a purist by any means.  

* Say my covenants.   As I get dressed in the mornings and when I say my morning prayers I remind myself of my baptismal and temple covenants.  I do this for the obvious reason that I'm serious about my faith and when I start the day reminding myself of the promises I've made it helps to guide my conversations and actions.  It helps me to keep my focus on Christ.   The day will get busy and I'll get distracted and may not always remember Him as I would like to, but at least I've started off in the right direction.

* Pray with my husband.  I don't like it when we're running behind in the mornings and Mark leaves for work without saying prayers with me.  That doesn't happen too often, but when it does I feel distanced from him throughout the day.  We both need the protection that comes from petitioning Heavenly Father before we head out in the "world".   Our marriage needs the protection.

* Read and write.  I try to write something each day-like blogging, journaling, thoughts on things I'm studying or reading, letters, etc.  I'm not a great writer, but I'm hoping to improve with practice.  Reading doesn't even take effort, it just happens.  I can't not read.  It's my obsession.  This year I'm reading children's classics and I've joined a Great Books Discussion Group at the local college.  I'm loving both of these pursuits.  So many books, so little time.  Reading and writing helps me learn something new each day.

* Try to be present and search for beauty.  "Wherever you are, be all there."  This takes work for type A's who can multi task like no other.  But I understand the value in being fully present with people and with activities.  I'm trying.  I'm also on a quest to find beauty in the every day, simple things in life.  This is also taking some retraining, but having my gratitude journal open on my desk is a reminder to look for blessings and beauty.  

"Blessed are they who see the beautiful things

in humble places where other people see nothing."

Camille Pissarro

These are my daily rituals and when I at least, attempt to do them, life is better.  How about you?  What are the things that you do each day that keep you centered?   

Gifts from the Sea

Walking along the beach, the gentle sound of waves breaking on the shore speaks to my soul.  As I breathe deeply, I can just feel the stress washing away.  Sometimes I don't even realize how the pressures of life have built up inside of me, until I've removed myself from my "world" and stepped into this one.  I've come to realize this is something I need.  For me, a trip to the beach is therapeutic.

As I pack my bags for my journey, along with the swimsuit and sunscreen, I tuck in this book.  It's also part of my therapy.

I can't tell you how many times I've read this little gem, because I've lost count.  But I have to read it while I'm at the beach.  It's a tradition, and I'm big on traditions!  (At that very moment, I caught myself singing "Traditions" from Fiddler on the Roof in my best Tevye voice).  Once I forgot to bring it along and had to search out a copy at the local book store.  Now I have two copies.  It's a quick read, but each time through, I learn something new.  Or I'm reminded of something I've forgotten.  On my latest visit to the beach, I actually read it twice while I was there; the first time at a quick pace ( I couldn't help myself) and the second time, much slower, so I could really think about what I was reading.  I love this book!

It was published in 1955, yet the author's words may be as relevant to women today as the day she wrote them.  While vacationing on a Florida beach, she drew inspiration from the shells she found as she walked the shore.  The shells helped her think about her life as a woman, including her roles as wife and mother.  She was grappling with some of the same challenges we all face: finding balance and contentment in each stage of our life.  When I read this book as a young mother, I thought of how dreamy it would be to take off to the beach, sans children, and have hours to contemplate my life, as Ms. Lindbergh had done.  Well, that was only a dream, but as I read her musings, I realized I could learn from her experiences.

When I had teenagers and read the book, her words about solitude and taking care of ourselves resonated with me.  That was a hard time, and I could only handle the challenges, when I had fortified myself first.  Now as an empty nester (well, almost), I find other truths that speak to me from her writings.  This book is really for women of all ages.

The shells she found on her beach, were different from the ones I found on mine.  Each one is lovely in it's own way.  In the chapter entitled, "Channelled Whelk", the author speaks of finding balance in her life.  As she talks about her desires to be a good wife to her husband, a good mother to her five children, proficient at her craft as a writer and ably carry out her obligations to the world around her she says this:

"But I want first of all - in fact, as an end to these other desires- to be at peace with myself. 

 I want a singleness of eye, a purity of intention, a central core to my life that will enable me to

 carry out these obligations and activities as well as I can.  I want, in fact- to borrow from the

 language of the saints - to live "in grace" as much of the time as possible.  By grace I mean

an inner harmony, essentially spiritual, which can be translated into outward harmony."

Gift from the Sea, pg. 17-18 

Isn't that lovely?  To live "in grace" is what I seek after as well.  She offers some techniques of living that can lead to this state of living "in grace" that I like.  The first one is simplification. She admits that the life she lives does not lead to simplicity. Being a wife and mother "entrains a whole caravan of complications". 

"It involves a house in the suburbs and other household drudgery or household help which wavers between scarcity and non-existance for most of us.  It involves food and shelter; meals, planning, marketing, bills and making ends meet in a thousand ways.  It involves not only the butcher, the baker, the candlestickmaker but countless other experts to keep my modern house with it's modern 'simplifications' (electricity, plumbing, refrigerator, gas stove, dishwasher and numerous other labor saving devices) functioning properly.  It involves health, doctors, dentists, appointments, medicine, spiritual, intellectual, physical, schools, school conferences, car pools, extra trips for basketball or orchestra practice; tutoring; camps, camp equipment and transportation. It involves clothes, shopping, laundry, cleaning, ,mending.  It involves friends, my husbands, my children's, my own, and endless arrangements to get together; letters, invitations, telephone calls and transportation hither and yon.  What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives.  It puts the trapeze artist to shame."

Gift from the Sea - pg. 21-22

Boy can I remember feeling this way.  In my naivete, I though that when the kids were raised and out of the house, my life would be so much easier.  In some ways it is, but where is all that time I thought would magically appear?  I'm still struggling to balance my time wisely.  Good, better, best.  Decisions need to be weighed out and only the best can come out triumphant.  I suppose I will be doing this the rest of my life and from this text message that I received from my dad this week, it sounds like it doesn't get easier as you age.   "Life has gotten busy for everyone.  I thought when I retired everything would be slower, but seems that is not the case.  Let me know when we can get together."  Spending time with my dad definitely falls into the "best" category and I'm determined to make this one happen.

So how do we simplify our lives in the midst of seeming chaos?  As the sea animal sheds it's shell, so Ms. Lindberg suggests some things we might be able to shed from our lives.  Things such as distractions,  pride, our Martha-like anxiety about many things, our Puritan conscience about absolute tidiness and cleanliness and insincerity.  She says, "The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered is being insincere.  That is why so much of social life is exhausting; one is wearing a mask.  I have shed my mask."   I had never thought about shedding insincerity, but that's what eliminating pride is all about, isn't it?   Learning to be humble and content is a great gift.  I love these thoughts:

"To ask how little, not how much, can I get along with.  To say- is it necessary?-when I am tempted to add one more accumulation to my life, when I am pulled toward one more centrifugal activity."

A Gift from the Sea - pg. 28-29

Yes, that is the question isn't it?  I am all about simplification these days. 

In the next chapter she discusses the moon shell and the need for solitude.

"Solitude, says the moon shell. Every person, especially every woman, should be alone sometime during the year, some part of each week, and each day.  How revolutionary that sounds and how impossible of attainment.  To many women such a program seems out of reach.  They have no extra income to spend on a vacation for themselves; no time left over from the weekly housework for a day off; no energy after the daily cooking, cleaning and washing for even an hour of creative solitude.  is this then only an economic problem?  I do not think so.  Every paid worker, no matter where in the economic scale, expects a day off a week and a vacation a year.  By and large, mothers and housewives are the only workers who do not have regular time off.  They are the great vacationless class.  If women were convinced that a day off or an hour of solitude was a reasonable ambition, they would find a way of attaining it."

 A Gift from the Sea - pg.42

I can't agree with this enough!  I'm grateful that when I had small children, I could rely on family and friends to help me get away on occasion.  Vacation is so important!  I find when I'm starting to feel grumpy or discontent, a few days away can drastically change my outlook.  Going somewhere beautiful where I can soak in God's beauty is good medicine.  And sometimes that doesn't have to be too far from home.  But sometimes, distance is good.

 "Actually these are among the most important times in one's life - when one is alone.  Certain springs are tapped only when we are alone.  The artist knows he must be alone to create; the writer, to work out her thoughts; the musician, to compose; the saint, to pray.  But women need solitude in order to find themselves; that firm strand which will be the indispensable center of a whole web of human relationships. She must find that inner stillness which Charles Morgan describes as the 'stilling of the soul within the activities of the mind and body so that it might be still as the axis of a revolving wheel is still."         

A Gift from the Sea pg. 44

Are you beginning to see why I value this book?  It is chock full of truths, from which I can ponder and hopefully glean solutions to whatever particular challenge I'm facing.  As I read it, I feel I can slow down and enjoy my life a little more.  I always close the book feeling inspired, like I've just had the most amazing visit with a woman who "gets me".  That's why it's good therapy and why I need to read it each year.  The next time you go to the beach, maybe you would like to spend some time under an umbrella with the ocean breeze blowing on your face, reading this little classic book.  And if you have little ones scurrying all over, enlist someone else to watch them for you, while you read.  I promise it will be time well spent.   And then walk along the shore and pick up a few shells of your own to take home as a reminder of the gifts you've received from the sea.  I picked these up on my recent trip to the shore and whenever I see them, they remind me of the lessons I relearned while reading this book in a most beautiful place.  I feel refreshed and blessed.